Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
