Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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