I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
