i just google imaged poop.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
