Umm I'm too high to move.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
