i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
