She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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