So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
