WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
