Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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