you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
