Plan B is the new Plan A
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
