If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
