is your mom at the bar?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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