I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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