It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
