I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
someone threw a dead crab at me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
