it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
