from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
