I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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