I like my sex mixed with concussions.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Mom said you looked used
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
