If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
