fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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