I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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