Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
