I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
