By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
