You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
