just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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