What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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