Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
