Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
