You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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