he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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