So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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