I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
