I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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