oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
