You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
