____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
