After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how do flat chested girls get laid?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize