I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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