walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
