her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
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The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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