Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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