I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
