I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
