i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
