I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
