Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize