When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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