I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
