You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
