Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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