i may or may not be watching the land before time
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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