as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
