So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
