She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
