It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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