I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
