Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I could have mohawked her pubes.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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