you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
