i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
