I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
