I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
