True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
