i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
