You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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