dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Randomize
